(A Black Friday post offered with the melancholy knowledge that nobody is reading anything today…)
When we look at chapters that don’t work, one of the hardest tasks we can set ourselves is to try to understand why.
Standing back from the work, looking at it from a new perspective, can be painful. Impossible. We stalk around the thing. We kneel to it. We squint at it until we’re crosseyed. We poke it with mental sticks.
Is it dead? Or is it just playing possum?
I’ve tried everything…. The Walking Away from It Trick. That doesn’t work, I just feel guilty. The Patience & Forgiveness Trick—good luck with that. The Run Your Head into a Wall Trick…all I got was a headache. The Go Ahead, Sleep Late Trick. More guilt.
I am in full-on anguish mode. My imagination is stoppered-up tighter than a bottle of flat Champagne. Following the logic of my own plot is a process akin to trying to read during a dyslexia flare: It’s like looking at a plate of spaghetti and trying to follow an individual strand from one end to the other without touching it.
For a writer, this is what suffering feels like.
The upside (and damn me, I always wind up looking for the upside): Suffering is usually the last stage on my personal Kübler-Ross scale of grief. I worry, I fret, I punish myself, I hate every word and comma, I despair of the chapter ever coming out right…and suddenly the door opens and the answer is there.
My duty to the tale is to suffer as much as I can. And wait for the happy ending.
16 comments
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November 25, 2011 at 5:15 pm
ClaudiaR
Hi Lynn — how about the “total acceptance” love it the way it is and keep going approach. Maybe there is some cosmic reason it NEEDS to be the way it is? All will be well and hey here is a nutty idea – let me run it in MyStoryLives so it gets its due – then maybe it’ll disappear! Sending lotsa love and energy!!!! CR
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November 25, 2011 at 6:17 pm
lynnbiederstadt
Claudia, That’s the best idea ever. I’ll try that, and see if it’ll work!!!
xo
lynn
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November 25, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Beverly Richardson
This one made me laugh. I’m sorry but I’m not laughing at you or the agony you are going through. You are funny in the way you express your grief. Quite a sense of humor you have.
Bev
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November 25, 2011 at 6:17 pm
lynnbiederstadt
Bev… I didn’t think you were laughing at me–at least no more than I am, myself! Now I’ve got to back and discover where I was funny…I don’t really think I’m funny. Ever. At all. So thank you!
lynn
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November 25, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Lynne Dellone
What’s the one thing you like the least about it? What idea or thread doesn’t please you? You may choose only one at this stage of the inquisition….
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November 25, 2011 at 6:15 pm
lynnbiederstadt
Lynne…Reducing the issues to one “least” is a great idea–and one I haven’t been able to master. Yet. Happy Recovery-from-Thanksgiving Day!
-lynn
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November 25, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Alexander M Zoltai
Happy Suffering 🙂
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November 25, 2011 at 8:51 pm
lynnbiederstadt
Now, AZ, that’s just mean…. 😉
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November 26, 2011 at 1:50 am
Lynne Dellone
LOLs not much recovery….still have turkey belly and three rompy kittens who don’t believe in sleep…
OK, what part do you love the most?
Failing that assignment, divide a page into like/not sure and put them in columns….then throw darts until something snaps….
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November 27, 2011 at 12:49 am
C.B. Wentworth
Sometimes the “ick” has to happen in order to get to the good stuff. Be patient and let your muse take you where she will, even if it feels less than perfect. 🙂
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November 29, 2011 at 12:01 am
lynnbiederstadt
CBW, You’re right. It’s a kind of patience that, after all this time, I’m still struggling to learn.
Thank you for your always-great thoughts.
Lynn
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November 28, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Jo Bryant
If your suffering is what brings about tales like The Spiritkeeper – I hate to say it – but…yeah to suffering. But keep the headbutting the walls to a minimum – you’re too cute to damage that face,
🙂
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November 28, 2011 at 11:58 pm
lynnbiederstadt
Jo, thank you. The day we wrote McGill’s return to the lonely house was the prime example of good hurt. Bad hurt–not so good. But I AM getting notes for Spiritkeeper Two which is wonderfully comforting….
xo
lynn
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November 29, 2011 at 8:32 pm
Jo Bryant
Well now I am all a twitter with excitement
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November 29, 2011 at 8:52 pm
lynnbiederstadt
Jo, If you mean about Spiritkeeper Two, so am I. It’s not even begun, and already it’s started to fill me up. (And BTW…”cute”? Are you sure you have the right Lynn, there?)
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November 29, 2011 at 9:00 pm
Lynne Dellone
AHA! Can’t keep a good spirit down! Let’s hear it for TWO!
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