Writers—this one, anyway—makes no secret of preferring the created world to the real one. With the exception of Art and Music and the craft and care of good food which exist in this temporal space, the not-real world is my choice as the ideal place to live.
I devoted this space yesterday to an extended whine: the emotional wresting match of the current chapter (a Round Two that followed the very satisfying Round One of Chapter One) and the baggage that comes with it…the self-imposed quality demands on Writer Lynn; the state of feeling vastly underwhelmed with myself. Tough times, but not unexpected ones.
And here’s the kicker: In this internal altercation between perfect worlds and present ones, an ally. A dream.
At least, I think it was.
In the dream, I was telling someone about the greater meaning of the book; the huge idea behind the apparent one. I don’t remember who the tellee was, man or woman, friend or acquaintance newly-met. But I do remember the reaction. The nod. The smile. The brows raised in impressed approval. It was all I could have hoped for.
But I’m not sure whether it was real.
I subscribe to the idea that all acts and all beings in dreams are reflections of the dreamer. Even if that theory is nothing more than an expression of airy theory, the exercise of examining dreams offers profound insights into the state of the mind. But not being entirely certain whether an episode was real or dreamed…a thornier challenge.
I may prefer one world to the other, but I never have trouble telling the difference between them. Created World often creeps into Real World—carries the emotions, the characteristics, the chess-piece movement of the living work across the reality divide. The pleasant trespass can leave me weeping, smiling, frantically scratching at the notebook page—but I always know which world is which.
Not this time.
I am tempted to worry about the blurring of the line between real and not. Writers have enough trouble distinguishing between worlds without having to make a focused guess about which is which. I could worry. But I won’t.
The real/not-real gift is not such a difficult thing to accept after all. If the reaction of the smiling stranger was a dream, the sign of self-approval from a wiser and more forgiving me, I’ll take it and run. If that stranger’s reaction was, in fact, real but misfiled in an overtaxed brain, my reaction will be no different: take it and run.
I may be crazy. But I am not nuts.
9 comments
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September 18, 2012 at 8:38 am
David Stewart
Aren’t dreams great? I think dreams are a major outlet of inspiration for writers as well. At least for me. I have recurring dreams of huge, underground structures that don’t exist in real life. Not sure what it means, but they show up in a lot of my work. 🙂
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September 19, 2012 at 8:23 pm
lynnbiederstadt
David… I had a recurring dream about roller coasters. Very real. How do you work the underground structures into your work? Are they always just that? And if they are you, what do you think that says about you?
-lb
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September 18, 2012 at 10:41 am
Alexander M Zoltai
There, to me, seem to be three alternatives…
The real event
The “Real” event
The metaphysical event
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September 19, 2012 at 8:20 pm
lynnbiederstadt
AZ… Who else but you would talk Metaphysics? But which is real and which is “Real”?
-lb
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September 19, 2012 at 9:08 pm
Alexander M Zoltai
The Metaphyisical is more Real, by definition…
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September 18, 2012 at 11:52 am
deborahatherton
Dream can be so helpful–but I’ve never been sure that we have them altogether to ourselves. It has often seemed to me that other people’s experiences, ideas, and yes, even approval, wander in and out of our dreams. I’m not sure if it’s a metaphysical or just a plain old brainwave issue–but this time, you were definitely right to take it and run!
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September 19, 2012 at 8:20 pm
lynnbiederstadt
Deborah… “Not sure that we have them altogether to ourselves…what a lovely turn of phrase! I would love to meet whoever it is who’s been waltzing in and out of my head lately; I may have one or two rather confrontational things to say to him/her!
-lb
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September 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm
mywithershins
If one likes what they write, generally the reader will, too. To have a dream person like the premise of your book seems like a very good sign, so I agree. You should ‘take it and run’! 🙂
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September 19, 2012 at 8:18 pm
lynnbiederstadt
MWS, Had another dream last night, set in a work situation. One of my bosses was Barbra Streisand (go figger.) I had been mildly critical of something or someone, and she was very upset about it: Me getting impatient with my own self-critical self? Hmmmm…..
-lb
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